Hindsight Philosophies
by Omnicat
Summary: Odin Lowe has some choice words for the little boy he's decided to take under his wing. / Odin character study, PLEASE READ AUTHOR'S NOTES ALONG WITH STORY


**Title:** Hindsight Philosophies

**Author:** Omnicat

**Spoilers & Desirable Foreknowledge:** _Episode Zero_

**Warnings:** Odin's casual talk about assassinations, the creepiness of politics.

**Pairings:** Past Odin Lowe x OFC.

**Summary:** Odin Lowe has some choice words for the little boy he's decided to take under his wing. / Odin character study

**Author's Note:** One day, I had a good long bout of thinky-thoughts about Odin's life philosophy of living by the day because you might not live to see the next, and I was a little creeped out and a lot of sadfaced by it. I also wrote fic about Odin's inner creeped-out-ness and sadface. Enjoy! (And please read the author's notes at the bottom when you're done.)

**II-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-I-oOo-I-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-II**

**Hindsight Philosophies**

After the death of Heero Yuy, I did some research. No, not immediately after, or even 'after' in the sense of 'when the world _really_ started to realise what had happened'. _After_ as in, when the fact that everything would go to Hell again once he did started catching up on me, personally.

I had plans once, you know. Big plans, chock full of dreams for the future, and more than a few delusions, but that wouldn't have spoiled the fun one bit. The journey would have been worth it. That's one thing I've learned from living life by the day: you miss out on a lot when you can't even look forward to something because in your mind, you're already preparing to lose it all at a moment's notice.

I was in the prime of my life when it happened. Young, but not too young to be taken as a rookie, old enough to have made a bit of a name for myself. Talented, intelligent, not to mention fairly handsome and with plenty of charm. Aw, don't scrunch your nose like that. I'm just being honest. I had things going for me.

Yeah, I had fortune for the taking. And then the whole world started to fall apart because of a single bullet through a single man's chest.

Madness. Pure madness. I should have done that research sooner - if I had, I might not have...

It was my own fault, you see. It was _my_ bullet that killed Heero Yuy. My shot that changed the course of history. Causing the Declaration of Colony Demilitarization to fail, hard won inter-colony relations to fall into chaos, twenty-five years of struggling toward a non-violent solution to a hundred years of conflict and discontent to go down the drain.

Earth and the colonies were moving toward an end to the wars that had plagued it from the dawn of civilization, all through the unification efforts of _one_ man.

Or at least that's how it seems when I look back. See now why I don't like it? The history books would give a much more convoluted picture, but up close and personal it all turned out to be very simple: the world was a mess waiting to turn into an even bigger mess, and only one man was able to turn the tide.

And I killed that man.

His movement fell apart, his achievements were undone. My plans for starting my own business were dashed by the inability to find a large enough market within the isolated colony cluster I'd settled in. My dream home destroyed to make room for the occupational forces of my former employers... my beautiful, beautiful Aoi killed by a stray cocktail bomb because a riot just happened to break out in the street where she worked. And to top it all off, the coroner informed me she'd been two months pregnant.

It didn't take much more than two years for my whole life to come crashing down around my ears. Turns out, all the prospects I had? I only had a chance at them because of Heero Yuy. My jobs as a hitman for OZ? Wouldn't have been needed if it wasn't for Heero Yuy's exploits. Talk about karma!

Nah, calm down, I'm not upset. Not anymore. I'm grateful for what I had when I did, I'm not going to ruin that with regret.

But yeah, back then I wished I'd done that research sooner. Maybe then I'd have understood the immense scale of consequences the death of a single powerful man can have, the frightening fragility of the fate of mankind.

You know that saying from the supernatural movies? "The Apocalypse only has to happen once for the world to end, but the good guys need to stop it over and over again to keep her safe."? Well, it's _true_. I was just too concerned for my own career to realise it, damnit.

In the 1960's of the AD calendar a certain president Kennedy of the United States of America was murdered. He'd been busy pulling his troops back from an intervention in Vietnam, a puny speck of jungle on the other side of the world. Halfway through someone shot him, the opposition took over, and the intervention turned into a full-scale war where thousands were killed or maimed. A couple of decades before that, the murder of some European prince was used as an excuse for half a continent to finally declare war on each other. The result was called the 'Great War' or 'The War To End All Wars', until the next one was started from the smouldering remains of that one, and they dragged another couple of world powers from all across the globe into the mess. Then they called it World War One and Two. The greatest tragedies in the pre-colony millenium.

And the list goes on and on and on. When one single person is put on a pedestal, made into an icon, something bigger than life, it's dangerous. It's not so much the person, but the sheer weight of the passion that is ignited by them and aimed towards them. It gives their existence a power no mortal should have, turns their name into a force of nature for the mind. Their fate becomes a tidal wave that drags thousands, millions along in its wake. It works anywhere from local disputes to civil wars to cross-continental conflicts; kill the source of the opposite party's ideals and fanaticism, and resistance will either crumble, leaving victory yours for the taking, or you've dug your own grave by making a martyr out of them and singlehandedly lighting a fire in the hearts and minds of all your enemies. The former even happened _again_ a couple of years ago, in the Sank Kingdom.

Of course, I've had plenty of history lessons in my day, but if I'd _realised_ it sooner... Ha, would you look at that, a guy like me rambling on about 'what ifs'. But I have a philosophy, see, and this one _what if_ is at the root of it.

As long as the course of history can be altered with such ridiculous ease - by a single idiot with a gun - the best way for those without the power to change things to live, is without looking back or forward. Seize the moment, because it might well be the only thing you have.

The world we live in... happiness just doesn't have a chance to last.

But I guess you already know that, huh, kiddo? Look at you, so exhausted, and still unable to sleep peacefully. You're too healthy and your clothes too decent for you to be a street urchin. And if you can read road signs you sure as Hell know how to talk, you stubborn little brat.

I don't blame you for not feeling like it - I'm willing to bet you and your family were at that civilian shuttle dock next to the base that blew up, and were caught up in the blast. At least I won't have to buy you new toys or underwear anytime soon, huh? But I'm going to get at least a name out of you, one day.

Yeah, I think I'll keep you around for a while. Feeding you is the least I can do with the money I got for planting those bombs, isn't it?

**II-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-I-oOo-I-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-II**

**PSAN:** Inspired by a comment of Septem's in _Episode Zero_: "I'm surprised that guy [Odin]'s still in business. I thought he retired after I commissioned him for that job [the murder of Heero Yuy]..." My thought was that Odin may have _tried_ to retire from the whole military and assassin business, but hit a spot of bad luck and fell back into the old way of life. And the rest, as they say, is history...

**PPSAN:** As you may have noticed, the historical facts here aren't terribly nuanced and/or accurate. Odin isn't trying terribly hard to make it so. Nor am I. 8D _Gundam Wing_ awakens the philosopher in me sooner than the historian, and this fic is all about Odin's state of mind, not so much _actual_ history. If it bothers you, think of it this way: A) the longer ago something happened, the greater the likeliness that the exact details will be lost (at least to the mainstream history books/classes); B) making sense of the chaos he caused had higher priority to Odin than factual accuracy, and these are the conclusions he comes to in his half-suppressed despair at his own fate and the general state of the world; C) he feels guilty whether he admits it or not, and these generalisations put the most subconscious blame on him.


End file.
